Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
