If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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