i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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