I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
