u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
