i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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