1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
