My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
