if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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