I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
