I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
