Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
