i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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