dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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