My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
