a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
