I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
