did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
