your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
