Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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