this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
