omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She told me I should be a condom model.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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