I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
