Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
