Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
