i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
