You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
