I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
