So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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