That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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