As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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