I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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