Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize