Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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