Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I am available for nakedness
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