I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
