he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
