Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
