If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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