you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
