this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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