I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
