He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize