i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
