Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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