at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
