My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
