mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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