shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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