when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
