Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i dont even know how to be here
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
