I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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