I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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