This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
