I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
