Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
