Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
