Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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