I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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