Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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