to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
