Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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