I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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