Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
