what day is it and did you see me today?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
