I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
zippers are such a cool invention
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize