So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
