fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
