It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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