i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
dude. I can hear the air.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
