I got chris browned last night
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I wish there were birth control emojis
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
