Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
