Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
