i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
