oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
