Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
