Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
nutella sex= disaster
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
