he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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