Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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