Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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