i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
