U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
