Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
