I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
