shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
