the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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