mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
