so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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