Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
