So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
